Back-handed Compliments are the Best.

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People don’t always choose their words carefully. Maybe they mean well. I’m sure they do. I mean, people don’t just say things without thinking, do they? 🤨

I used to get offended a lot easier. But then I got old. Now I find a lot of wisdom in comments that used to send me into a downward spiral of self-doubt and inadequacy. You know what I mean, right?

Well, in case you have no idea what I’m talking about, allow me to explain.

There are times in life when someone can’t quite commit to a full-hearted compliment. Maybe they feel awkward and don’t know what to say. Maybe words are not their jam. Maybe they just don’t like you, but they want to look like a nice person in public. Whatever the reason, it starts off sounding like a genuine compliment, but then… well, let’s just say they should’ve stopped while they were ahead.

I would love to hear other people’s best back-handed compliments. Here are a few of mine…

“You’re good enough looking, but not drop dead gorgeous.”

Context: I auditioned for a play called Five Women Wearing the Same Dress. The play takes place during a wedding at the bride’s home, and five women (bridesmaids), who are all wearing the same dress, hide out in an upstairs bedroom. At one point, an usher joins the fun. One of the bridesmaids thinks he’s kinda cute. Flirtations ensue. After initially denying an attraction, the two eventually find themselves alone and smooch.

So the director of the show explained that he cast me because “Tripp” needed to be attractive enough for “Trish” to plausibly want to kiss him…eventually. But the actor playing that role couldn’t be too good looking, or else (the director feared) the audience might not believe Trish’s initial resistance to the idea of making out with him.

It was then that I accepted my actor type. I was NOT a leading man. I was a CHARACTER ACTOR! And that’s why, despite the initial ego deflation, I came to actually love that back-handed compliment.

Here’s another actor-related “compliment” that’s grown on me over time…

“You are one of the best actors I’ve ever seen fall flat on your face…and get back up again.”

Context: I had just performed with a home-grown comedy improv group for a small audience. Ok Listen, we all have moments where our brains don’t want to cooperate. Well, during this particular show…I found a whole lotta those moments. But the show must go on! (Painful as it may be for everyone involved.) Attempted jokes died in mid-air. Names were changed to protect the innocent, but also because I forgot them. I played hide and seek with the plot, eventually finding it right where I left it.

After the show, while everyone else mingled in the foyer, I was reliving the horror and tried sneaking out without having to face the good people who paid to see me flounder.

One of my friends from the cast caught me on my way out the door and introduced me to their friends who saw the show. “Oh boy,” I thought. “Here we go.” Plastering a brave smile on my face, I shook hands and the talkative friend from the group said, “You are one of the best actors I’ve ever seen fall flat on your face…and get back up again.” …. “Gee thanks,” I thought. I don’t know if I even responded verbally. I’m not sure if I trusted my mouth after the aforementioned performance.

Anyway, fast forward about 20 years and now - I am proud that I’ve fallen on my face several times throughout my acting career. But I always got back up, dusted myself off, and kept going. I really don’t know when to quit. It’s a superpower.

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Those are a few of my personal favorite back-handed compliments. Here’s a few more I’ve heard (some directed at me, some directed elsewhere. I’ll let you guess.)

• “You are the stupidest smart person I’ve ever met.”

• “Wow! YOU came up with THAT good idea?!”

• “I love your fashion sense! I could never pull off THOSE colors.”

• “It’s really hard to underestimate you.”

• “That dress is so unique. Did you make it yourself?”

• “You always fail to surprise me.”

• “You’re not as dumb as you look.”

• “Your place is really nice, for a starter home.”